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Catholic Girls

November 29, 2016

School Uniform

Catholic Girls.

“Catholic girls are the best.”  At least that’s what all the high school boys on the city bus said each time we stopped at the Catholic Girls School.  Was it just their joyful enthusiasm or naiveté, a release from the restrictions of classroom dogma and discipline, as they boarded our bus for the ride home or was it something else that made them so appealing?  Did those wise-cracking braggarts really know something about human nature based on real-life experience or was it all just popular myth?

In 1961 I was young enough to believe it was real.  I imagined them rounding all the bases, preparing to slide into home thrilled that a young maiden of virtue was about to abandon her strict schooling and pledged morality, believing she would live an eternity in the fires of hell for a few moments of fulfilled desire, sacrificing all on the altar of acceptance disguised as love. Love is the defining inducement to submission. Yes, these immature Solomons of the schoolyard knew at least that much.  If you wanted to fuck a Catholic girl, you first had to tell her you loved her.  That made it OK.

Tell someone you love them and they’ll do just about anything for you—abandon their friends and family and run off to another life.  Anything. Ah, but first you have to fuck them, repeatedly and good. It’s funny that what we have learned as family, parents, sons and daughters, we are unable to apply to our societal well being.

Well, we got on the bus and we’ve been lied to.  We’re being fucked repeatedly and fucked good. We’ve abandoned our morality, our family and friends and we’re running off with the schoolyard bully, the narcissist braggart who told us he loved us.  Surely, we’ll burn in hell for this.

Imagine for a moment you’re a father whose daughter has decided to marry such a man, a liar, a person with a history of manipulation & control, a documented trail of mistakes and negative consequences.  What should you do?  Speak up?  Shut up? Play along? Take action?

The best advice you will get may be the “wait and see” approach. Oh, but not from your wife, oh no.  She knows the schoolyard bully for what he his.  She’s met him before in many forms.  She rode the bus and is enthusiastic  to confront this newest incarnation at every opportunity. And she does, much to everyone’s chagrin. Was she right or not?  Are we not free to make our own choices and mistakes?  But don’t you know that everyone pays for your mistakes?  So who has the right to decide, who to advise and who to dissent? Where is wisdom when you most need it?

Meanwhile life goes on.  The newlyweds buy property together, open bank accounts and credit cards together, create all manner of financial entanglements together, running their household in deficit, growing more and more dependent on each other, and ultimately bear children.  Your daughter allows herself to be managed for the good of the family.  Her husband worries about external forces driving them apart, unaware that his control is the cause for concern.  She must account for every minute of her time, who she sees, where she goes and what is said. He limits how often she sees you to a few hours at holidays and discourages her from inviting you to their home.  If she visits you alone, he interrogates her to find out what was said.  Having driven off her family and friends, he surrounds her with his own.  Living among them, vacationing with them, daily contact with them increases as he moves them closer and closer physically until they all live conveniently in the same neighborhood, far from you—more entanglements, more interdependencies.

Over time through angry confrontation your wife drives a wedge in the family causing untold grief for your daughter, making it virtually impossible to see her and her grandchildren except in the most limited and restricted ways.  You on the other hand have managed to have a positive relationship with your daughter simply because you kept your mouth shut.  You understood that it was her life to manage and you did what all good parents do, you let go, trusting that all the work you did over her first 18 years will pay off.  But the outcome for you was little different. As time wears on, you see life taking it’s toll on your daughter and you understand the personal sacrifices she has made to protect herself and the kids.  So she remains quiet about the things that matter most, the things she really cares about, avoids the big battles and lives in a family divided, unhappy and afraid of the future. There appears to be no good outcome to this scenario.

Now imagine you live in a country divided in the same way.

Here’s what I know: Eventually the need for freedom will rule.  Rights denied will be rights restored. But in the meantime there’s all hell to pay for that good “Catholic” girl.

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