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A Vision For The Future

August 3, 2017

90

Fast Forward eight years.  Millions of people have lost their health insurance and hundreds of thousands are dying prematurely of heart disease, diabetes and cancer with uninsurable pre-conditions, causing bankruptcies and foreclosures. 33% of Americans are homeless. Not able to get contraception and abortions through Planned Parenthood, welfare rolls are flooded with young mothers and their newborns. Jails are bursting with minor drug offenders serving long minimum sentences and the police continue to shoot first and ask questions later.  Floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, mudslides and forest fires plague the country in record numbers and the coral reefs are dead.  Seafood is no longer available and, as water is in ever shorter supply, agriculture is suffering.  Florida and California lack the immigrants to harvest the orchards and fields, so fruits and vegetables are in short supply and prices are escalating out of control. Germany is the world leader, followed by Russia, then China, Great Britain, France, Canada and Israel. North Korea and Iran are nuclear powers.  The US gets foreign aid from Saudi Arabia. Sean Hannity is the secretary for the new Department of Emotional Reaction (DER).

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is retired and now teaching a college level course in political communications through the Poli-sci department of Trump University.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

“Good morning class.  As you all know I am Sarah Huckabee Sanders. I served as President Donald Trump’s Press Secretary temporarily before “resigning.” In that brief period of time, I managed the fake news for the Whitehouse on a daily basis through needless press conferences. It was my job to support the many lies, bad behavior, childish responses, temper tantrums, ethical breaches, immoral conduct, financial crimes, reprehensible policies, looney ideas, treasonous actions and The President’s inflated ego by responding to thoughtful questions regarding policy with meaningless answers. This was easily accomplished in one of several standardized ways I will outline now before going into further detail.

Your first response should always be, “The President is very busy running the country and we have not had time to sit down and discuss that issue.  I’ll get back to you.”

The fallback position should be, “That’s currently under consideration and I’ll have to get back to you.”

With persistent questioning regarding an uncomfortable subject, the necessary response is to attack the press thusly, “Why is it that y’all are fixated on undermining the President, when you should be reporting on his many accomplishments?

Another effective response is, “Asked and answered.  Next Question.”

When the facts become undeniable you must resort to historical precedent by citing the alleged misconduct of previous administrations and political opponents as justification for your boss’s inappropriate action. “They got a pass, why haven’t you reported on that?”

In defending the unique liabilities and morally deficiency of your boss, the proper response is, “The American people knew what they were getting when they voted for him.”

As a last resort, you can always do as Steven Miller did when he responded to a question asked by Jim Acosta of CNN. Attack the individual of the press personally. Create a false narrative of your interpretation of their values to support the conclusions you wish to impose on them. Make it about them, not about you.

It’s simple stuff really.

Now as you all know, since that time, The Whitehouse has auditioned several new practices to control press briefings, finally settling on the current system of iPress, our interactive system that streamlines the process. iPress was developed in cooperation with the Russian Heritage Institute for Cyber-Democracy, making it possible for the press to have access to the same answers available in a live conference, at any time of the day or night.  Members of the press are now able to go online and submit their questions to get one of our standardized responses in a downloadable “Siri” like voice that can be played on the news, as well as images and clips of our glorious leader bragging to hapless supporters.

Thank You, and if there are any questions, I’ll have to get back to you.”

 

 

 

 

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